Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
