the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I didn't notice because vodka
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize