i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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