he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
