You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
