i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
we should paint friendship bongs
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
