i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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