I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
