my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
