On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
