his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
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