The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
