Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
