I skipped work to stalk him.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
