We're facebook friends in real life
grandma shit on top of the toilet
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
