ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
