I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
