it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
