Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
