Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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