Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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