It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
