i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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