so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
