Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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