i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
