can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
