I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
