saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
