well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
