i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
