I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
