is your mom at the bar?
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Randomize
