Whod you bang
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
