This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
