I could have mohawked her pubes.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
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