I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
In America we eat man semen.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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