first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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