i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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