i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
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