What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Are we still banned from the library?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
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