lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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