The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
