Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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