Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Randomize
