love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
