Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Girls should come with a carfax report
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
