gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
You can't special order awesome
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
