my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
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