hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
high people should be assigned attendants
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
